Fluffy White Death

I attend school in southern Pennsylvania. Last night, according to many southern Pennsylvanian's I live with, fluffy white death rained from the sky in a terrifying and freezing apocolypse. People ran around the city stocking up on milk, bread, and eggs. (Because I know every time I'm stuck in my house with nothing to do, I sit around and eat pounds french toast with milk.) Then, when they were driving back in an absolute panic, desperately hoping to escape their powdery demise, they decided to throw on their brakes at stops signs at the very last second so their car could practice figure skating. (After all, four-wheel drive means the car is ready for the Winter Olympics! Look out Evan Lysacek, my Jeep can skate circles around you!)

Basically, the entire area freaks out over a few flakes of snow. All of this frenzied fear cannot be healthy! Calm down people. Instead, these are some good reasons to go into a wild, manic panic:

1. Zombie Apocolypse: I think there have been numerous books, video games, and movies explaining this concept. Considering that I'm really bad at Hide-and-Go-Seek as well as Tag, I'm pretty sure I'm doomed. This would be an acceptable reason for me to panic. I'm not entirely sure of your survival skills, however. You might be able to survive with medium to minimal anxiety.

2. Hunted by a Dinosaur with Sharp Teeth: Those things are freaking terrifying. If you ever meet one that managed to survive the whole mass extinction thing, you're probably not only facing a dinosaur, but evolution's prime and perfect killing machine. Any whimpering, screaming, and/or unwanted release of bodily fluids would be completely understandable in this situation.

3. You Realize You are Entirely Made of Cake: Everybody loves cake. Even you love cake. You would not be able to escape. Plus, I'm not sure how your organs would function if they were made of cake. Maybe your liver would be alright since it's just filtering things out and cake is relatively porous, but I'm not sure about how your nerve endings would survive...or your brain. Anyway, if you are made entirely of cake, this would be very bad. This is very much panic-worthy.

As you can now see, a few inches of snow is not worthy of panic. Granted, I may be a little biased because I'm from Syracuse, New York, where we get hundreds of inches of snow a year....But that's beside the point. Snow will probably not kill you. Stop freaking out, unless you're going to cancel my classes. Then you may freak out all you want.