I hate planning my wedding

I hate planning my wedding.

I know, fourteen-year-old me would probably punch me in the face for saying that if she could master time-space travel and basic hand-eye coordination. Even eighteen-year-old me would be pretty pissed. I spent too much time ogling dresses, thinking about color combinations and, dreaming up delectable desserts to suddenly cop out when all of these dreams can finally come true.

I think part of the reason why I hate it so much is because many of these dreams aren’t coming true.

For example, I wanted Panera to cater my wedding. Seriously, what’s more delicious than soup and salad and sandwiches from Panera? And Panera was always an inexpensive lunchtime option for me. I thought, how big of a deal could it be to have Panera for 70 people?

Answer, it’s a huge deal. It’s absurdly expensive. The second you factor in a bunch of different types of sandwiches, and a bunch of soups, and you have to figure out what people want, and have it shipped… I gave up on that dream really quickly.

I always tried to think about what music there would be at my wedding. My father-daughter dance would have to be a Beatles song, and I love Queen. They have plenty of great dance songs. But that’s the problem: dance. I hate dancing. Yes, I know, I went to prom and parties and had a nice time, but what did I really enjoy? The spasmodic body wriggling or checking out everyone’s outfits and making sure my dress was prettier than theirs?

Which brings me to another wedding issue: the dress. This is the one thing that still might be fun for me. The thing I might actually enjoy…Until I look at the price tag. Sure, it’s easy to say yes to the dress when you don’t have to pay for it, but it’s so hard to rationalize $500 for a dress, then $100 for a veil, an extra $50 for shoes, $100 for hair and makeup, $300 for dress alterations… that’s over $1000 for an outfit I’ll have on for less than a day! What a way to start the rest of my life—a healthy mix of debt and buyer’s remorse.

And I know I’m leaving out the most important thing. The person I’m marrying. In all my wedding plans, I assumed the guy would just get stuck in at the end. I figured that since he was the one I chose, he would be completely on board with everything I had picked out.

Yeah, that turned out wrong.

I do love him, and I would like to celebrate our love with family and friends, but he’s a stubborn hermit whose dislike of large groups of people is matched with a loathing for dressing up and trying new foods. Oh, and just like me, he hates dancing. I know, it’s like we’re meant for each other.

So, in the end I wound up putting a deposit on a place because I was getting frustrated at myself for not getting started on this whole thing. I’ve been engaged for two years now, and it’s about time I got on this.

I don’t know if there’s much of a solution to my problem here. Maybe hire a wedding planner. Maybe elope. Or maybe put it off. I’ve been doing that for two years. Why stop?