Business People

Due to my persistant fears of living in a cardboard box for the rest of my life, I decided to supplement my writing major with a marketing minor. I figured taking something businessy and practical would give me a leg up in a moneymaking world. Unless, of course, this blog takes off and renders my entire education unnecessary.

Unfortunately, this was before I realized that there are no humans in business classes. I tried to think of an animal that could compare to business majors, but I couldn't think of anything that actually exists. So, I made something up.

This is the Ursidae Business, or more commonly known as the Business Blob. Somewhat like a bear, but not nearly as vicous, this creature sits around and does pretty much nothing. It isn't even cute like a bear. It drools a little bit because it's still hung over from the night before, and it does not respond immediately to stimuli. I am convinced that it has some sort of brain deficiency.

But the most important characteristic of this creature is the fact that it's boring. The Business Blob justs sits there with a dumb look on its face whenever a teacher asks a question. When (heaven forbid) it is asked to complete a project in class, it utters some inarticulate grunts and grumbles, and shifts around in its seat, always avoiding eye contact with other creatures.

I admit, I may be a bit biased. After all, I come from a world of writing classes, where pretty much everyone is happy to be there, and very extreme and high-energy theatre classes, where nobody shuts up. To go from an acting class where people are bursting with ridiculousness and creativity to a business class is like walking from Disney World to Greenland. And not even the fun part of Greenland with penguins or seals or whatever. The boring part with nothing but drooling, ugly caribou who don't want to be there.

As a good little writing major, I have decided to spread my creativity and excitement to those Business Blobs. When I work in a group project, I try to be extra cheery and bump our projects up from dreary to delightful. But my favorite thing to do in a business class is give a presentation. I switch into theatre mode and give all of those Blobs a shock of energy and excitement. They all jump a little bit when I actually look around the classroom when I'm talking, use funny voices, and (you won't believe this) smile at the class. Unfortunately, due to a sad twist in evolution, the Business Blob has lost the ability to smile.

I know it's impossible to change these poor, miserable creatures. But I hope to show them that there is another way to live and give them a little taste of life as another creature. Maybe a Writing Wallabee or a Theatre Thrush. I'll work on that.